expectations - what?

I am not going to be apologetic to myself for not keeping up with my blog - nope, not me.

Just was walking from the barn up front and looking around the yard - the quiet in the air is relaxing me and I start to think about the scotty mcreary song i just heard in Hunny's car - a mom is telling the kids to wash their hands and faces for dinner and use inside voices, clean up the clothes on the floor, and close the doors quietly...then mom prays before they eat and thanks the Lord for slamming doors that remind her they are ALIVE, a hard working husband and dishes in the sink that remind her of money her husband is able to earn and food they are able to buy, kid's loud voices for their health and joy...oh and the song just makes me smile being thankful for so much when I have felt hard and pitiful this weekend.
Expectations of things I would like to get DONE, really I want to control something so i can feel better about chaos and time flying by and going Way to fast.   I lighten up when I can see the big picture.  Perspective.

As I write this I hear Hudson and Grace giggling and playing and i start to cringe as the volume goes up because i don't want Pea Olive to wake (control the holy spirit whispers gently) It's ok - relax.  Enjoy these giggles - right!  And there is that voice that haunts me many days and makes me feel fear ... "soon these days will be gone...enjoy it while it lasts" and then I feel panicky and want to cry... just read a great blog entry about this http://momastery.com/blog/?s=don%27t+carpe+diem&searchsubmit=

I think control and expectations are really 2 things i want to be aware of - I find myself weepy and frustrated when I lose control (I fall and hurt my neck, house is a disaster, kids get sick, they eat off the floor at a pizza parlor, projects piled up, expectations of what I want for my family, blah, blah, ahhhh).
If only i could keep perspective on what is most important - being thankful for it all - good and hard parts - and enjoy this breath i can take right now without sickness, the sun on me while i sit on this couch, the quiet of today and my napping husband next to me.  He has his priorities straight ;)  i think i will join him.