he...and I

he lays on my  legs in the sunlit part of the couch.  he has a gentle 5 year old voice. he asks. he plays with my face. he laughs. he wonders. he clasps his hands so cuddly together and watches.  he watches me. he watches the TV. he relaxes into the pillows.  and...I , I can't help but stare at him in wonder - how grateful i am that i am here with him. that i can feel the weight of all of his being on me.  i hold him.  i never want to let go.  ever.
I feel the weight of so much hope that i don't pass on my "stuff" that i loathe to my little ones.  that i am able to teach him all he needs to learn to be the man the Lord has intended him to be.  to treat him with all patience and kindness that I could ever imagine.  that he grows to be what he needs to be in the short time i get him.  how truly blessed i am to know him.

These days i hold dear - the ones of he .... and I.

Some things i love

...besides my family, friends and the Lord, good bread and cheese with a simple salad, a pretty walk, my bed and pillows (esp. with a good book or cookbook), the mouth of a horse and a bloodhound, warming my feet on someone's warm legs, early morning cuddles with my children, traveling to a new place, my husband's hugs, a carefree heart, soup and a movie on a cold day....besides all these - I love these things I recently bought.
Word press labels from my favorite online stationary store Felix Doolittle
you can customize them and use them for gifts, cards....
www.felixdoolittle.com

they come wrapped oh so adorably...

and these my sweet friend and i found at a cute old fashioned toy store in san francisco called paxton gate - valencia blvd between 18th-20th st.  you plant each little matchstick which has a seed in it - I bought for my children - wildflowers and herbs...

tomorrow - no school - we shall plant!

and how can i not blog about my beloved bakery in san francisco - Tartine - one of the things i definitely do love.  I brought a loaf home on the plane and recreated their croque monsieurs - yum!

                                       my favorite is the shiitake mushroom croque monsieur
                                                         melty, gooiness with a crispy crust

oh so good - tartine bread, a bechemel sauce (flour, milk, salt, pepper and nutmeg), shiitake mushrooms, sundried tomatoes and swiss/gruyere cheese!
Not a bad meal - meets all my favorites,

expectations - what?

I am not going to be apologetic to myself for not keeping up with my blog - nope, not me.

Just was walking from the barn up front and looking around the yard - the quiet in the air is relaxing me and I start to think about the scotty mcreary song i just heard in Hunny's car - a mom is telling the kids to wash their hands and faces for dinner and use inside voices, clean up the clothes on the floor, and close the doors quietly...then mom prays before they eat and thanks the Lord for slamming doors that remind her they are ALIVE, a hard working husband and dishes in the sink that remind her of money her husband is able to earn and food they are able to buy, kid's loud voices for their health and joy...oh and the song just makes me smile being thankful for so much when I have felt hard and pitiful this weekend.
Expectations of things I would like to get DONE, really I want to control something so i can feel better about chaos and time flying by and going Way to fast.   I lighten up when I can see the big picture.  Perspective.

As I write this I hear Hudson and Grace giggling and playing and i start to cringe as the volume goes up because i don't want Pea Olive to wake (control the holy spirit whispers gently) It's ok - relax.  Enjoy these giggles - right!  And there is that voice that haunts me many days and makes me feel fear ... "soon these days will be gone...enjoy it while it lasts" and then I feel panicky and want to cry... just read a great blog entry about this http://momastery.com/blog/?s=don%27t+carpe+diem&searchsubmit=

I think control and expectations are really 2 things i want to be aware of - I find myself weepy and frustrated when I lose control (I fall and hurt my neck, house is a disaster, kids get sick, they eat off the floor at a pizza parlor, projects piled up, expectations of what I want for my family, blah, blah, ahhhh).
If only i could keep perspective on what is most important - being thankful for it all - good and hard parts - and enjoy this breath i can take right now without sickness, the sun on me while i sit on this couch, the quiet of today and my napping husband next to me.  He has his priorities straight ;)  i think i will join him.