I felt defeated this morning - anger, frustration - all seeping out of me as I felt defeated.  I was nursing while sporting a baseball mit in one hand trying to play with hudson all while trying to read grace fancy nancy - multi tasking yet feeling so pulled (no pun intended) in so many directions.  As I dropped my two off at school I was ALONE in my car - peace and freedom overwhelmed me as I drove along the pretty street with that one house that makes you stare and daydream it was yours.  As I drove along the smell of fresh cut grass filled me and made all my insides smile :)  then in Cest Si Bon buying some pastries and coffee and a lady in front of me speaking german - oh it soothed me - it flooded me with memories of mommy and being in Europe, going to the bakery - calm, peace, smiling again on the inside - I know that is where I get filled at the core - I thank God for these little gifts this morning - it gave me a glimpse to what could be my future.  As I realized my kids would all be in school one day I thought I don't want to rush this time, it has it's precious moments and these are the ones I want to soak in - not the defeated feelings.  He will not let me be defeated.  AMEN.

Too many choices

So here is my first "blog."  I have been wanting to write for a long time and thought "I don't have time for this" but throughout the day I think how cathartic it would be to just write - nobody needs to read it, it just feels good and fun to write.  I will probably not punctuate or spell right but who cares - not me - not now - not for this purpose!

So it is overwhelmed I feel - by choices, decisions - something very common for me and it is heightened now by silly things like clothes shopping for kids - too many choices!  Even as I started writing I saw I could choose from over 20+ colors to write this in - a little raise in my blood pressure - oh yes, I know, I am a little crazy.

Baby is fussing, balls are coming down the hallway and the dog is hungry - that was just enough time  - I do have time for this!