Buttered Toasts and the Olive

Release the Lumps ;)

2012-02-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

All of a sudden i am so very aware of the lump in my throat , thankfully not a palpable lump, but one probably of stress and emotion. just sitting and waiting to be released. I take it in all week - go, go, go. worry, worry, worry. I just looked up as i sit in this cafe and the smell of warm toast, bacon and syrup remind me of childhood and i feel that lump loosen and my eyes feel wet. there is a peaceful reminder behind that smell - slow down, remember, breathe!
I want to be free of this grip at my core and the lump in my throat - a physical feeling behind such deep emotions - I am completely dependent on Him and yet I forget that ALL the time and forget His peace. But right now, I remember it and smile as I feel the gentle nudge to take that breathe and let the lumps go ;)

Thank you for this day Lord and all that you have for me in it. A picnic with Hudson, friends and so much hope.

he...and I

2012-01-27T14:23:00.000-08:00

he lays on my legs in the sunlit part of the couch. he has a gentle 5 year old voice. he asks. he plays with my face. he laughs. he wonders. he clasps his hands so cuddly together and watches. he watches me. he watches the TV. he relaxes into the pillows. and...I , I can't help but stare at him in wonder - how grateful i am that i am here with him. that i can feel the weight of all of his being on me. i hold him. i never want to let go. ever.
I feel the weight of so much hope that i don't pass on my "stuff" that i loathe to my little ones. that i am able to teach him all he needs to learn to be the man the Lord has intended him to be. to treat him with all patience and kindness that I could ever imagine. that he grows to be what he needs to be in the short time i get him. how truly blessed i am to know him.

These days i hold dear - the ones of he .... and I.

Some things i love

2012-01-15T22:46:00.000-08:00

...besides my family, friends and the Lord, good bread and cheese with a simple salad, a pretty walk, my bed and pillows (esp. with a good book or cookbook), the mouth of a horse and a bloodhound, warming my feet on someone's warm legs, early morning cuddles with my children, traveling to a new place, my husband's hugs, a carefree heart, soup and a movie on a cold day....besides all these - I love these things I recently bought.
Word press labels from my favorite online stationary store Felix Doolittle
you can customize them and use them for gifts, cards....
www.felixdoolittle.com

they come wrapped oh so adorably...

and these my sweet friend and i found at a cute old fashioned toy store in san francisco called paxton gate - valencia blvd between 18th-20th st. you plant each little matchstick which has a seed in it - I bought for my children - wildflowers and herbs...

tomorrow - no school - we shall plant!

and how can i not blog about my beloved bakery in san francisco - Tartine - one of the things i definitely do love. I brought a loaf home on the plane and recreated their croque monsieurs - yum!

my favorite is the shiitake mushroom croque monsieur
melty, gooiness with a crispy crust

oh so good - tartine bread, a bechemel sauce (flour, milk, salt, pepper and nutmeg), shiitake mushrooms, sundried tomatoes and swiss/gruyere cheese!
Not a bad meal - meets all my favorites,

expectations - what?

2012-01-08T14:26:00.000-08:00

I am not going to be apologetic to myself for not keeping up with my blog - nope, not me.

Just was walking from the barn up front and looking around the yard - the quiet in the air is relaxing me and I start to think about the scotty mcreary song i just heard in Hunny's car - a mom is telling the kids to wash their hands and faces for dinner and use inside voices, clean up the clothes on the floor, and close the doors quietly...then mom prays before they eat and thanks the Lord for slamming doors that remind her they are ALIVE, a hard working husband and dishes in the sink that remind her of money her husband is able to earn and food they are able to buy, kid's loud voices for their health and joy...oh and the song just makes me smile being thankful for so much when I have felt hard and pitiful this weekend.
Expectations of things I would like to get DONE, really I want to control something so i can feel better about chaos and time flying by and going Way to fast. I lighten up when I can see the big picture. Perspective.

As I write this I hear Hudson and Grace giggling and playing and i start to cringe as the volume goes up because i don't want Pea Olive to wake (control the holy spirit whispers gently) It's ok - relax. Enjoy these giggles - right! And there is that voice that haunts me many days and makes me feel fear ... "soon these days will be gone...enjoy it while it lasts" and then I feel panicky and want to cry... just read a great blog entry about this http://momastery.com/blog/?s=don%27t+carpe+diem&searchsubmit=

I think control and expectations are really 2 things i want to be aware of - I find myself weepy and frustrated when I lose control (I fall and hurt my neck, house is a disaster, kids get sick, they eat off the floor at a pizza parlor, projects piled up, expectations of what I want for my family, blah, blah, ahhhh).
If only i could keep perspective on what is most important - being thankful for it all - good and hard parts - and enjoy this breath i can take right now without sickness, the sun on me while i sit on this couch, the quiet of today and my napping husband next to me. He has his priorities straight ;) i think i will join him.

on the coach

2011-10-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

do you ever sit on the coach and find yourself crying or wanting to - at commercials mainly which may prompt thoughts of how much I love my children, my family, how I don't want them to grow up and leave (I do of course but dread the pain of missing them), I miss my sisters, my mom...I am at this point tonight. Who am I talking to right now and asking this question - laughing at myself - because really I am just writing to me ;)
Just felt like writing - Allen is at "man night" and I am here - on this coach - crying - crying all the overdue tears and stresses of the day. Feels good to let it out with my rooibos bourbon vanilla tea and chocolate chip orange scone - and I thought I was not going to write about food in this entry - but really tears and comfort food go together - it had to be mentioned. So - I don't usually like orange and chocolate together - orange flavored anything really - but this is REALLY good and it works. My friend Joyce made them - I have not yet made them - but now I will. Will write the recipe out when I do.
Oh gosh - here comes another commercial - a boy with his backpack on, saying goodbye to his mom...here come the tears again.

Ode to Levain Bakery in NYC

2011-10-05T16:14:00.000-07:00

Us eating Sesame Street Style NYC

New York City - one of my favorite cities - makes me feel alive. 2 weeks ago my mother in law and sister in law took off for 5 days of so much fun. One of our stops was Levain Bakery in the upper west side of the city. My friend told me "if you like cookies, you must go here" So off we went - our pilgrimage to yet another bakery. The thick cookies were right up my alley! Dougnut Plant was pretty darn amazing too.

Dougnut Plant - We ordered 6-7 between the three of us

So here it is, a rainy day, a day for baking. I tried to get some levain-thickness in my cookies - and this is what I came up with. They are pretty good! I used cinnamon chips and oatmeal. Still want them thicker though.

Oatmeal Walnut Cookies - attempt at Levain Bakery cookies ;)

1 cup butter, softened

1 1/2 cups brown sugar

2 eggs, room temperature

*cream together until thickened and fluffy

*add

2 1/2 cups unbleached flour

1 cup oatmeal

1/2-3/4 cup whole wheat flour

1 tbsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

pinch of salt

2 tsp vanilla

1 tbsp cornstarch

*blend in mixer

*add

2 cups walnuts

1 bag of cinnamon chips

*mix again and referigerate for 1/2 hour

Bake at 385F for 10-12 minutes, ping pong shape balls

breaded chicken and broccoli

2011-08-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

din din dinner

breaded chicken with bread crumbs and parmesan cheese. finished with sautéed mushrooms and wine and topped with fontina cheese - bubbly, melty.
Steamed broccoli with olive and sea salt

Corn and Shrimp

2011-08-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

Roasted Shrimp and Fresh Corn with an olive oil, butter, lemon, wine and garlic sauce poured all over the top - fresh parsley never hurts...best part was ... well it was all good but I did love getting all the extra sauce on my toasty bread. YUM.
I had some figs and decided to roast them as well - drizzled a bit of coconut oil and brown sugar and let them do their thing for about 20 min... really good actually.

we ate with fresh berries and whip cream again.
good night.

what did you have for dinner?

2011-08-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

so this may have been a previous post but was reminded by a friend to just do it!
whenever my sisters and I would talk on the phone (especially xenia and I) our first questions were "what did you have for dinner?" i laugh as I think about it because it is just i guess sort of a funny question to those around me. but not for us. I love to hear about meals. It also gives me good ideas when I am in a rut.
so i am going to do this on my blog - nothing long or drawn out - this blog hardly gets my attention as it is - maybe pictures, no pictures...who knows - not me. Part of the fun is recording the many odd and quirky meals we end up eating to the pretty darn good ones. The best meals sometimes come from having very little at all and trying to make something yummy - sometimes not though.
drumrolll...........tonight's dinner - allen was at a meeting and this is what I came up with.

Chicken Salad Melt (mayo, lemon, celery, scallions, salt and pepper) on whole wheat bread/american cheese melty atop. Strawberries and blackberries and whip cream.

Done!

Buttermilk

2011-05-20T14:52:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I always want buttermilk in my refrigerator. Probably because it is an ingredient in so many things that I love - chocolate cake and pancakes. So I will keep it stocked and try and find new ways to use it. I just tried blue cheese dressing - need a better recipe, too liquidy. and then i use it in place of milk in many recipes, like Trader Joe's corn bread (the best box cornbread ever!) I have memories of me and lizabet making a pan of it in our single days and then eating the whole dish before we went out on the town. I love her so much.
I love the sound of butter in milk though - Definitely not to drink - yuck! but to make everything more tender and yummy.
So here I make oatmeal pancakes - delicious

recipe (williams-sonoma entertaining):
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup cake flour
1/2 cup quick-cooking rolled oats
3 tbsp sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
2 large eggs
2 1/2 cups buttermilk
5 tbsp unsalted butter, melted, plus more for cooking
*fresh strawberries and salty pecans for topping*

Whisk together flour, oats, sugar baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs, buttermilk, and 5 tbsp melted utter until well combined. Add the egg mixture to the dry ingredients and whisk until combined. Let the batter rest at room temperature for 10 minutes.
Cook pancakes a few minutes on each side and serve with lots of butter, maple syrup, strawberries and salty roasted pecans ;)
Here's to BUTtERmiLK!!!!

A butter knife

2011-05-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

you know you are having a hard day when it all comes down to letting your 2 year old play with a knife and cut carpet and then savagely (embarrassingly) try and yell at her monkey with a knife (NO i do not yell at my kids with a knife) Ok fine, you can play with a butter knife. What was i thinking!!! I guess I wasn't doing much of sane thinking at this moment.

There are days when I have nothing else in me to be an adult and teach/discipline my kids - thank the good Lord that He steps in. I love the verse "He gently guides those that are with the young."

Macadamia nuts - rustic style

2011-03-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

oh what fun to crack macadamia nuts with a brick and a rock - who knew! and kept the wee ones busy for a long, long time. we found these at the ojai farmers market - sold by "papa bono" they call him. if you ever need to feel like you are gathering and eating your food rustic style - using a rock to get into it - or just need to let some aggression out - DO THIS!

Yeast and Butter - oh the smell

2011-03-23T14:38:00.000-07:00

I loved this day - we StAyED home - and had time to do things like bake bread. I have always wanted to bake bread and this recipe seemed doable with hudson and p. olive running around AND I had all the ingredients. So I did it! The recipe comes from smitten kitchen http://smittenkitchen.com/2011/03/sally-lunn-bread-honeyed-brown-butter-spread/

It came out perfect - hot and that buttery yeast smell - and a deep yellow which i am guessing is from my chickens orange yolky eggs. We sliced into it, put salty butter on it and ate until we were through almost the whole loaf. I was disciplined enough to save a bit for Friday farm to feast - to share the love of this loaf ;)

After eating a few slices, I decided to go all out and soft boil an egg (it came out hard ;( ) and make a beautiful plate with strawberries, bread and this egg.

Valentines Cookies

2011-02-16T14:57:00.000-08:00

Years ago my best friend from high school, serena, would come over and we would bake and decorate sugar cookies - i think it started with halloween and then valentines. We did this for a couple years. Our friendship began with food and still remains around food ;) "My mom just made a pot of beans, do you want to come over?" It was back in 1990, Agoura Hills. We were friends instantly.
It has been 5 years since we have seen each other and what brings us together again are cookies! We spent the day baking and decorating with Grace. So fun. It felt like no time had passed.

Next cookie day? St. Patricks?

xox

These cookies are my favorite sugar cookie recipe - cut them thick - they make a lot!

Sugar Cookies

2 1/4 shortening

2 cups white sugar

1 cup brown sugar

6 eggs

1 1/2 tsp vanilla

*blend with an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment

*fold in the following and handle like bread dough

7 cups unbleached flour

3 tsp baking powder

2-3tsp salt

*chill for 20 minutes and roll out. Bake at 375 for 6-8 minutes. Decorate with your favorite frostings, etc. We mix powdered sugar with milk and add a bit of light corn syrup.....

sick in bed

2011-02-04T13:45:00.000-08:00

not only has it been so long since i have blogged, but so long since i am this sick - quarantined to my bed. watching cooking shows without an appetite, longing for chicken soup, someone to take care of me, no responsibilities, hoping for healing...soon! I am struggling with my little friend productivity right now. huh, i am not doing anything in bed...i can get things done, like blog. I tried to knit but got stuck AGAIN and can't knit. this won't be very long but good to put my ideas down of my next entry.
My sweet elizabeth took pictures of my banana bread - would love to get that up, a week long entry of "what we ate for dinner this week" I always love to know what people come up with for dinner. the one question my sister xenia and i always talk about ;)
would love to get my farm to feast cooking days on here - but have yet to get the time, pictures uploaded, recipes written....got to be an easier way than what my mind is stuck on now.
here is to chicken soup in bed, yes - buttered toast and to feeling better.

A Big Pot of Something!

2010-11-20T21:34:00.000-08:00

Recently I was reading "Where the Wild Things Are" to my bitty ones and I love the end where max comes *home* to a bowl of hot soup and a big slice of cake. Comfort spilling out from the page ;) It made me smile, made me long for that.
So, today is a rainy day, a day i feel like making a big pot of something - soup, stew, ghoulash - and a cake. Yet, so far I have not succeeded in that (as well as not blogging in FOREVER.) I have strained my neck and yelled like a crazy lady at my children. After a bit of calm and cuddling on the couch with grace and hudson, cozy by the fire, watching a movie (ahhhh)...I rose up, put a pretty apron on and baked a pumpkin spice cake and it smells like warm cinnamon and thanksgiving.

I have a few minutes before a fight breaks out in the other room over Zingo and I am sitting in luxury now with these quick moving minutes - writing, dreaming, being. Here come the footsteps, it is all about to end. Nice being here. Maybe the big pot of something will come tomorrow - big hopes. AND no more crazy lady today - forgive me Lord!
*while this is not the best picture - it is a pretty darn good cake. I was leary of the lemon in the glaze, but go with it - it ends up cutting the sweetness. I also think eggs at room temperature may make for a smoother, less curdled batter.

Spiced Pumpkin Cake
(Real Simple Magazine 11/10)
2 sticks butter at room temperature (plus more for the pan)
3 cups all purpose flour, spooned and leveled (plus more for the pan)
5 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp kosher salt
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
3 large eggs, at room temperature
1 15 oz can organic pumpkin puree
1/2 cup whole milk
1/4 cup molasses
1 1/4 cups confectioners' sugar
2 tbsp lemon juice

*heat oven to 350F. Butter (or spray) and flour a 12 cup bundt pan.
*In a bowl, whisk flour, pumpkin pie spice, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
*In the bowl of a kitchen aid or with electric mixer, beat butter and sugar on med high until fluffy (2-3 min). Beat in eggs, one at a time. Beat in pumpkin, milk, and molasses (may appear curdled at this point -it is ok - keep going). Reduce the mixer to low and gradually add flour mixture - mix until combined - do not overmix.
*Pour batter into pan and bake until toothpick, bamboo stick, knife...comes out clean - about 55-65 minutes. Let cool in pan for 30 minutes, then invert onto a wire rack to cool completely.
*In a bowl, whisk together the confectioners' sugar and lemon juice until smooth. If the glaze is too thick - add more lemon juice and/or water. Drizzle over the cake. Let set before eating!

Strawberry Jammin

2010-09-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

Grace and I are reading the Little House on the Praire Series and so much of their days were spent preparing food and working in the kitchen - canning food for the winter...so what perfect time for my sweet friend Nancy to come over with a flat of sweet organic strawberries this morning and we got right to work! Aprons on, water boiling and strawberries getting mashed. We made her low sugar recipe of strawberry jam - can't imagine what regular sugar recipe is like - this is perfectly sweet. We ate it by spoonfuls as it was foaming and ready. Yum. So much fun. AND our time was lessened since we had such great helpers - Grace washing and drying the red morsels, Hudson mashing and Penelope eating. Now I will go to bed dreaming of the morning when I can go to the bakery and buy my favorite french baguette (cest si bon) and butter it up with some strawberry jam. Even more ambitious - make fresh brioche - something I have always wanted to do!

nancy's strawberry jam

6 pints of organic strawberries - washed, destemmed and crushed

4 cups of sugar

Crush berries with a potato masher to consistency you like - we crushed to a smooth texture.

Put in a large pot.

Mix 1/4 cup of sugar from 4 cups and 1 box of Sure-Jell in a small bowl.

Stir pectin sugar mixture into strawbs.

Add 1/2 tsp butter to reduce foaming, if desired.

Bring to a full rolling boil (a boil that doesn't stop boiling when stirred) on high heat, stirring constantly.

Stir in remaining sugar quickly. Return to rolling boil and boil exactly 1 minute, stirring constantly.

Remove from heat. Skim foam (delicious to eat with a spoon ;)

Ladle quickly into cleaned and boiled jars. Leave 1/8 inch at the top.

Cover with lids and turn upside down for 5 minutes. Turn over and make sure the lids have "popped" or look almost concave. If lids spring back they are not sealed.

Store at room temp for 1 year!

Italian Chicks

2010-08-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

Donatella, Isabella, Francesca and Giovanna (Bitty)
our chickens, our ladies - little fuzz balls who stared into corners of their plastic cage under the brooder lamp - now fully social and owning the worms and bugs in the backyard. They travel together, roost together, dirt baths together and share Apache's hay together. The hay that was once shared with sweet ole beauregard! Poor Apache has another invader - 4 little invaders - to his evening meal.

These are going to be good eggs!

Blueberries for all

2010-06-19T22:08:00.000-07:00

Out to somis, ca today. underwood family farms has a "you pick" blueberry farm.

we headed out and after an hour and a half we arrived. cute little farm animal area, fruit store, tractor rides and rows upon rows of blueberry bushes. we came back with 4 quarts of blueberries and then headed out down memory lane to Italia deli where I worked in high school. eggplant parmigiana sandwich on a hard roll, turkey and cheese on a soft, salame and cheese for hudson and grace and prosciutto and cheese for our friend visiting from italy - cecy!

The smells of yeasty italian bread and onions brought back so many memories as I squeezed into the all too familiar business of this tiny deli. i remember coming home smelling like an onion - not attractive.

Then to the health nut in calabasas for the dressing i remember as a child - after a driveby of the home i grew up in - so many innocent memories of being a child. and how everything looked so much smaller! how things change. fun to move in and out of memories.

coming home with loads of blueberries only means blueberry pie - 2. fun to make.

tonight allen and I saw "letters to juliet" and we both were pierced by all our dreams to experience life on a winery or place where we work the land, live differently, spend our days differently.

we will continue to dream until the lord shows us an open door - to go, go and live our dreams - get out of being "stuck" in how do we do it and move into living it. I long for that for allen. for me. for our children.

On to blueberry pie recipes.

First Pie:
Graham cracker crust
1 1/2 cups graham crackers crushed (cuisinart is your friend)
1/4 cup melted butter
1/8 cup water
*mix and pat into a pie dish

Blueberries
3-4 cups blueberries
2/3 cup sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon
7 tbsp cornstarch
3 tbsp water
2 tbsp lemon
*mix dry, add wet ingredients, add to the top of blueberries and pour into pie

350F for 50-60min

Second Pie:
adapted from "Polly's Perfect Blueberry Pie"
Crust:
2 cups sifted all purpose flour
2 tsp sugar
1 tsp salt
1/2 - 2/3 cup vegetable oil
3-4 tbsp milk

Blueberries:
1 quart fresh berries
3 tbsp cornstarch
3/4 cup sugar
Dash freshly grated nutment
1 tsp lemon juice
4 tsp butter

Into a 9-inch pie plate, sift together the flour, sugar, and the salt. In a glass measuring cup, whisk together 1/2 cup salad oil and 3 tablespoons milk with a fork. Pour that over the flour mixture in pie plate and mix with a fork until all flour is evenly dampened. If it is still too dry to work with your hands, mix a little more oil with a little milk and add to flour mixture.

With your hands press the dough evenly against the bottom and up the sides of the pie pan, allowing the excess to fall on the counter. (This will be the top crumble crust and is about 1/3 of the total crust mixture.) Sweep it into your hand and reserve in a small bowl. Crimp the edges of the bottom crust or use a fork dipped in milk to flatten the crust along the rim.

Berry pie filling:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

To the washed berries add cornstarch, sugar, and freshly grated nutmeg. Stir gently.

Place the berry mixture in the bottom crust and sprinkle lemon juice over it. Then with an ordinary teaspoon, place little 1/2 teaspoons soft butter evenly over the top of the berry filling.

Crumble the reserved crust on top of the pie.

Bake for 45 to 50 minutes. Check it after 30 minutes. If crust is getting golden but pie filling is not quite congealed, tent the pie with aluminum foil to keep crust from getting too brown.

Serve with vanilla ice cream.

LA Love

2010-05-24T20:28:00.001-07:00

So many low roads taken today with all 3 kidlets- I despise the low roads and how bumpy they can be - I am very thankful for forgiveness - How quick a day can change things.

Just yesterday I was in complete relaxation, enjoying amazing food, farmers market and time with adorable allen.

Our weekend away started with gelato at 10:30 saturday morning after we just wanted to get a quick drink and ended up at a gelato store.

We cradled our cookies and cream and mocha almond fudge gelato and oh yes our little cups of tap water because we were after all thirsty.

Onward we drove with a grand idea to change our lunch plans and try to get a seat at Pizzeria Mozza. We arrived, they opened, we got the best seat in the house - at the bar, watching pies and all kinds of goodness going on behind the bar.

We started with fried squash blossoms hugging ricotta - out of this world, Rucola (arugala), funghi and piave (a nutty parmesan flavor yet softer) and then a pizza - get ready for this one...Stinging nettles, wild spinach, and salame with cacio di roma (a cow cheese).

Wow, wow, wow - along with a nice glass of lambrusco - I was so happy and content. Ready for dessert?

We deciphered we both are not butterscotch fans but still decided to try the Butterscotch budino served with Maldon sea salt and rosemary pine nut cookies - come on!!!!!!

The pudding was soft and held a nice light texture while it was blanketed by a caramel sauce and topped with a dollop of creme fraiche I believe - you have to dig deep with large spoons, like you would an ice cream sundae...decaf espresso - done, way done!!!!

Laying by the pool, getting served lovely ice water flavored with cucumber, strawberry-lime popsicles being passed around. A quick, short workout before dinner ;) We had reservations at Lucques on Melrose and it was just lovely.

Warm olives with almonds, a dish of sea salt and butter came to the table with thick rustic sourdough like, dense bread! Ricotta dumplings with fava beans, pancetta and just pillows of yumminess really.

To continue on with the Stinging Nettle theme, yes, I ordered the Stinging nettle, green garlic soup and then slowly ate a few bites of allen's short ribs - how does a belly hold all this food - mine had enough and we passed on dessert - i know, can you believe that!

I did get the restaurants "Sunday Suppers" cook book which I am so very excited about. I love Sunday suppers. Above is our farmer's market sunday supper. The mixed salad with flowers in it was my fav!

The evening ended with tea and coffee in our room while we sat in big, soft white robes and talked and talked - and then moved to the bedroom (don't worry it is safe to read on) and watched a movie and ate cookies from the pizzeria mozza store - an almondy lump of love ;)

The next morning we ended up at the good old Griddle cafe on Sunset (the best french toast i have ever tasted), we then headed to Larchmont for farmer's market shopping and Sam's bagels to take home (egg bagels toasted with butter falling in all the little cracks).

A special weekend to eat, dream and be with the man whom I adore. We had time to talk, didn't need to be anywhere except dinner - it was just plain lovely!

Mommy

2010-05-11T16:15:00.000-07:00

Loved my day today - got to spend it with mommy. Buying flowers at the nursery (such childhood memories there) and then to a fancy lunch.

The lunch started off with chicken broth in a cute little cup and a giant popover with strawberry goodness (butter and jam and something else?) and then glorified tator tots topped with parmesan cheese.

Mandarin orange souffle, chicken salad - yes an interesting combo - but really good! The best part of the day was mommy saying "I want to get my ears pierced"

We walked over and did it and as I stood there I couldn't help but think back 20 years and remember her taking me to get my ears pierced and here I was taking her! Wow! How things circle round. I love Mommy!!!

Peas and Favas

2010-04-15T14:41:00.000-07:00

I have a little friend - whom i adore - sitting contently next to me.

her name is pea olive and she is my youngest daughter - with a fever, content to be just next to me, leaning her head on me, sucking on her hospital pacifier -which she only uses in her crib but there are always exceptions - yes ;) - how blessed am I!!!

Usually I would be continuously pulling her off the table, off my desk, down from the couch - she would want to be typing - but not now, no -she is content. It makes me think about my contentedness and where I find those places where I am pleased to just sit, sit with someone who I feel safe with, someone I can trust, somewhere I love - I am that for her right now and I love that I get to be. Where or who is that for me - have many thoughts about that -something good for me to think on....

Speaking about P. olive and peas - Grace and I shelled fresh sugar snap peas and fava beans. As we opened up their little home, there they lay, hanging out with their family, nestled close or surrounded by a soft sweater (you must feel the inside of a fava bean). They are so cozy in their shell. This is definitlely their safe little place where they are content to just sit and be!

2010-04-09T14:06:00.000-07:00

peanut butter quinoa cookie sweetened with honey and a lemonade with an orange slice seemed to make everything better all of sudden. the chewy drippy taste of honey lingered after the soft peanuty dark brown rustic looking cookie. going now to see if i can find a recipe for this amazing cookie. here i go.

2010-04-07T14:42:00.001-07:00

Is 2:30pm too early to put pajamas on and cozy up under my blankets? - oh ya, I have 3 little ones - yes, it is too early. I am dreaming of my down blanket and a warm sunny spot on the couch to warm my feet. An episode of Murder She Wrote or continuing on in "A Homemade Life". A large glass of water with lemon and orange and a tylenol. An excitement for what the rest of the day holds rather than a dread of what activity I will come up with for afternoon witching hour entertainment. I am wondering what it would be like to not feel so tired, what would that look like to my children who get 10% patient, kind me and 80% tired, irritable me these days - ok, not so hard on myself - maybe 11% patient, kind me and 79% tired one.

I have not gone to the my usual grocery store run but rather have been stopping daily stops here and there at markets to pick up whatever sounds good with 3 little mouths excitedly waiting and choosing and asking. Yesterday it was 5:30pm driving home in traffic after another quite unenjoyable photo shoot at Target - why did I choose to do this again? The drive thru at chic filet was so enticing (and I don't even like processed chicken!!!) How EASY would that be....i fought the urge trying to imagine how much better I would feel feeding these precious ones a better meal. So, I drove home and made orzo in chicken broth with spinach and parmesan cheese. Then on pretty little white plates I placed 2 little fresh mozzarella balls, a chunk of perfectly ripe avocado, and a slice of prosciutto drizzled all in olive oil and sprinkled with sea salt. It looked really special and pretty - they deserve to feel special - they are! I actually did find a decent dinner in my refrigerator that is quite empty and sad. And yes, I felt satisfied that these 3 little bodies had good food in their tummies.

*this moment is ending as my activities coordinator job is about to begin - I hear the cries from the crib, footsteps emerging out of rooms - bring on the witching hour! ;)

Lemons, Blood Oranges and Fennel

2010-03-20T13:31:00.000-07:00

This is day is a calm one - husband home from long Europe trip and the doors are all open, the weather is warm with a lovely breezy and I just could not help but use my lemons and blood orange and make a really pretty water - add in some basil inspired by Jules and this day is now even better! Leo Kottke on guitar in the background, Grace playing "teachers" in back bedroom and I am cooking fennel on the stove - Love this moment! The outer leaves are pretty tough on the fennel bulb so I am cooking the outside parts of the bulb and I am going to chop them up, add olive oil, salt, pepper and a splash of apple cider vinegar - not too much - done! I think Olive will love it!

*Chicken stock with pink peppercorns - another soothing food on a soothing day!

Renaissance Mamas

2010-02-25T14:56:00.001-08:00

Inspiring day today with Jules in LA - renaissance mamas - she calls it - we talked about our kitchens, drank rooibos pineapple tea and created amazing meals with the local produce from the farmers market in Hollywood. I feel like I want to clean out my cabinets and go to the farmers market as soon as one opens - saturday ;) Fun to go on this adventure with Lara - we lauged a lot and enjoyed our few hours in a world we don't get to visit often - freedom to play, relax and create without our responsibilities pounding on the door!

2010-01-19T05:46:00.000-08:00

"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down" - Karen Carpentar ;) Not me - I love rainy days and yesterday was one of them. I wrote this to a friend yesterday and thought this was a good synopsis of my day ;) "we are inside today - grace and hudson were playing in the puddles and now they are making their own lunch (which was actually decent for a 3 and 5 year old to make). Love it!! Penelope is making a mess and my dog ate my whole loaf of bread - this is all after a morning at the urgent care when allen needed 11 staples in his head after hitting it really hard on the cabinet ;) onward we press on - have a great day!"

Even through this chaos I loved this day. I made a huge bowl of popcorn and my kids climbed into my bed and watched Mary Poppins, I got to bake some granola I have been wanting to try - delicious - and some of the softest molasses cookies I have ever had - amazing!!! The sun came out for a brief time - may I add at the perfect time for me to get everyone outside and feed the horses, play some kickball and play outside just before coming in for warm cookies and a lovely spaghetti dinner.

* A great day I am thankful for. Here comes little footsteps - love the sound of those - here goes a new day!

2009-11-08T09:50:00.001-08:00

my house is a mess and i am completely ok with the dishes piled in the sink, the toys on the floor, the couch pillows on the floor...i am quiet, i feel the lord close and i have overwhelming tears for Him - his closeness now to me, how he is so gentle with me and so present now. Thank you Lord! How he gives me these places to be with Him, these times - this quiet. As doubt creeps in - I push it away - I soak in this and breathe in and out with gratitude. I love this day. I am grateful for it and look forward to what is planned for me - I can't wait to go with my best girlfriends for a horseback ride - thank you Lord for them, for the fun you give.

Fall

2009-10-05T06:38:00.000-07:00

the chill in the air yesterday made me so happy! I felt a newness coming, a change - a good one, and realized FALL is coming. The pumpkins at trader joe's, the fall songs this morning on the kids cartoons, the cool air - all a happy reminder of what I love about fall - cozy homes, fireplaces on, beouf bourginon on the stove - a big pot of it, the warm cooking smells of soups, pies, cookies - Home! I feel with this Fall comes a lifting of so much weight and chaos - and I welcome it like nothing else. While I was driving yesterday I could not help but think I am thankful for the chaos and what it has taught me, and the tough stuff - I know it has made me stronger and continues to.

*Yeah for FAll, for this day - I sit here with full assurance that my baby is playing responsibly by herself in the other room unsupervised - oh, here she comes, here comes the day!

Peaches and Prosciutto

2009-07-07T18:39:00.001-07:00

What is better than some quiet and a glass of wine with a little appy - toasted some flax seed ciabatta, poured some olive oil atop, sliced peaches and then a thin slice of prosciutto - wow! listening to dave matthews "crash" and happy. here come the kids with their boots full of horse and dinner needs to be finished - guess my moment is ending...for now :)

2009-05-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

I felt defeated this morning - anger, frustration - all seeping out of me as I felt defeated. I was nursing while sporting a baseball mit in one hand trying to play with hudson all while trying to read grace fancy nancy - multi tasking yet feeling so pulled (no pun intended) in so many directions. As I dropped my two off at school I was ALONE in my car - peace and freedom overwhelmed me as I drove along the pretty street with that one house that makes you stare and daydream it was yours. As I drove along the smell of fresh cut grass filled me and made all my insides smile :) then in Cest Si Bon buying some pastries and coffee and a lady in front of me speaking german - oh it soothed me - it flooded me with memories of mommy and being in Europe, going to the bakery - calm, peace, smiling again on the inside - I know that is where I get filled at the core - I thank God for these little gifts this morning - it gave me a glimpse to what could be my future. As I realized my kids would all be in school one day I thought I don't want to rush this time, it has it's precious moments and these are the ones I want to soak in - not the defeated feelings. He will not let me be defeated. AMEN.

Too many choices

2009-05-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

So here is my first "blog." I have been wanting to write for a long time and thought "I don't have time for this" but throughout the day I think how cathartic it would be to just write - nobody needs to read it, it just feels good and fun to write. I will probably not punctuate or spell right but who cares - not me - not now - not for this purpose!

So it is overwhelmed I feel - by choices, decisions - something very common for me and it is heightened now by silly things like clothes shopping for kids - too many choices! Even as I started writing I saw I could choose from over 20+ colors to write this in - a little raise in my blood pressure - oh yes, I know, I am a little crazy.

Baby is fussing, balls are coming down the hallway and the dog is hungry - that was just enough time - I do have time for this!